Emma

Full Spectrum

(here in my church)

Hiding hidden

Wandering

Achingly unseen

Assumedly (would be) misunderstood

Dismissed

Fading

Muted

Mind clouded with the reminder that I am f.r.a.g.m.e.n.t.e.d.

(here in the EI community)

Vibrant colors burst forth in a ray of authenticity and freedom, of depth, of conviction, of love

The Lord beckons me out of my chrysalis to fly unashamed, free, visible, alive like an adventurous child exploring the vast and magnificent creation

A new life in technicolor

Foretaste of heaven

Joy overflowing

Renewing hope

Restoring daughterhood

Integrated

(returning to the world)

Lingering shame impedes

In this valley of repressed tears

Unspoken lies echo silently in the caverns of my soul

Fear takes over, dismissive answers slithering from my lips again (maybe later)

Not what I wanted

But it's habit, something whispers it's necessary

That no one will (receive) me and my sexuality with the balance of levity and depth I desire

Most are not worthy, not ready, not perfect enough for these sacred truths yet neither am I

And I need our imperfections to meet but I am speechless and afraid

I was awakened to life

Now I'm subdued into hiding but not without hope

[3 months later and light is winning, alleluia!]